lumpy blog

Since I moved here I have had to relearn how to speak. This is largely because english takes on a new set of rules once you cross state borders and people feverishly defend their manner of pronunciation. I don’t mean the accent - everyone knows car=cah, park=paaaaak and stuff like that, I mean the names of places. God help you if you call Peabody “pea body”. Here is a short prononciation guide for the next time you’re in town.

Peabody: pee-buddy, a friend you urinate with
Reading: red-ing, If ING changed their color to red the logo would be a red ING
Medford: med-fud, I have no idea
Watertown: water-town, wtf? why isn’t it wudder-ton
Barnstable, barn-stubble, if you made a barn from ents this would be what you get if he didn’t shave for a few days.

Of course there are a million more but I’ll leave that as an exercise for the reader. Now get back to work.